


Dark Enough

by AngelOfDiligence



Series: Haikyuu as Songfics [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad with a Sad Ending, Suicidal Oikawa, be prepared to cry, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:55:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26820235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelOfDiligence/pseuds/AngelOfDiligence
Summary: //How does someone so perfect feel so insecure?///As to scar his skin with cuts and burns and still want to hurt more.Song: Dark Enough by Amanda Lopiccolo
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru (implied)
Series: Haikyuu as Songfics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956187
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	Dark Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> So this is a songfic (obviously) I've been wanting to make for a reeealllyy long time, sooo I made it! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy and maybe cry a little bit as well >:)
> 
> Thanks for reading this!!!
> 
> ALSO!  
> (this has not been proof read or edited, so please tell me any mistakes I made (but please do so nicely))

_There is a boy in the front of my class_

_who I swear I've never seen do anything but laugh._

Oikawa Tooru. The most popular guy in all of Aoba Josai. He was always so happy, and he never looked down. The room would always light up when he walked in, and everyone would always laugh when he would talk. It was a known fact that everyone loved him.

_He's tall and he's smart, beautiful and strong_

_and when someone's down he tries to fix what is wrong._

At a whopping 6 feet tall, Oikawa would definitely catch the eye of anyone and everyone around. He was always so smooth and graceful in his movements, making him appear more perfect than he already was. Being in the top class didn't help his "Mr. Perfect" picture he had created, and the fact that he was so approachable made everyone go to him with their problems, whether it be a math question or asking for advice. They never even once stopped to think about how hard he had studied to make it into the top class, or about how he had his own problems that he never told anyone because he was too busy helping other people with their issues in life.

_How does someone so perfect feel so insecure?_

_As to scar his skin with cuts and burns and still wan to hurt more._

_How does someone so loving learn to hate his own guts?_

_Drawing a picture on his arms with a blade as if his mind isn't dark enough._

Little did they know just how insecure he really was. Little did they know that everyday he would wake up at 3A.M. just to perfect his smile even more so that no one would suspect anything. Or how he would cut on his thighs, shoulders, hips - anywhere that people wouldn't see just so he could feel something, even if that something was pain. Little did they know that even though he showed an abundance of love to everyone else, it never once included himself. Little did they know that he would starve and cut himself more and more every single day - as if he needed to dig himself into more of a rut than he already had.

_There is a boy in the front of my class_

_who's eyes are glazed over like newly cut glass._

_The ghost of a smile hints at his face,_

_and he laughs as they tell him "who's on first base"_

Slowly. Slowly throughout the year his smiles became less and less frequent. He spaced out in class and practice on the daily, and his laughs started to sound more and more forced as time dragged on.

_How does someone so perfect feel so insecure?_

_As to scar his skin with cats and burns and still want to hurt more._

He started to wake up earlier. Put on more makeup. Cutting during school in the bathroom and not just in the privacy of his own room. He slowly but surely started to become closer and closer to snapping.

_How does someone so loving learn to hate his own guts?_

_Drawing a picture on his arms with a blade as if his mind isn't dark enough._

When people would ask about him, he would just brush it off as being a "bad day" or make some joke about him being on his "man period" and laugh it off. He knew that what he as doing was slowly destroying him from the inside out, but he could never seem to be able to stop. He thought he had to deal with it all on his own, even though he knew that he had many friends and loved ones that cared about him and would gladly help if only he would ask.

_There is a boy in the front of my class_

_who's so sad you find it rare to see him smile or laugh._

_His friends tell him jokes like "that one with that guy",_

_but all he does is close his eyes and enter his mind._

He had snapped. Oikawa Tooru had finally snapped. It wasn't the traditional flip-a-table kind of snap, but as if his mind had had too much and had just stopped working entirely. If you looked in his eyes, you would see the complete emptiness and hopelessness in him, something that everyone would agree should never be seen on his face.

_How does someone so perfect feel so insecure?_

_As to scar his skin with cuts and burns and still want to hurt more._

How had this happened? How had Oikawa Tooru, star volleyball player and most popular and loved guy in school, become so depressed and devoid of hope? How had it slipped under everyone's radar? And why, _why,_ had he never simply asked for help?

_How does someone so loving learn to hate his own guts?_

_Drawing a picture on his arms with a blade as if his mind isn't dark enough._

How come he would show love to others, and yet never received any true compassion himself? Sure, he got many love letters and chocolates, but no one ever actually took the time to really show him the kind of love he really needed and much deserved.

_For his imperfections..._

Sure, nobody is perfect. But that doesn't mean that some people don't think that somehow, someone is more perfect than they are, even though they aren't. Some people are born geniuses and never have to really try for anything while others, including Oikawa, have to work their asses off to be where they are now. But that doesn't mean that the people born great are any better than the ones that worked to get where they are today. It's just hard to make people realize that sometimes.

_There was a boy in the front of my class_

_who yesterday took the breath that was his last._

Gone. Oikawa Tooru was gone. He had committed suicide without any prior warning or hint, even to his best friend. He had faked everything for too long and he couldn't keep up with the charade any longer. Even the best fall down sometimes - he was just never able to realize it.

_He wrote a few notes, "I'm sorry I didn't say_

_but my mind was messed up you couldn't save me anyway._

The teacher read the note aloud, as it was what Oikawa wanted, and almost the second she started reading it everyone was already in tears. It didn't take a genius to know what the note was. But what no one could figure out was why he was apologizing for being himself. Everyone loved him the way he was, and not one person would have thought any less of him if he had opened up. Or at least, that was what everyone was thinking. The problem was, no one ever actually took the time to make sure he really knew and believed that. And that regret would be sure to haunt them for the rest of their lives, even though they knew that Oikawa would never want them feeling guilty for it.

_And to the boy in the back of the class,_

_who feels the way I did -_

Dear Iwa-Chan,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not telling you about this sooner. But I know that you'll understand, you always have. I wish I could've told you, but I knew that if I did then you would've treated me differently, even if you didn't mean to, and I didn't want that - I didn't want your pity and sympathy. I'm sorry things can't go back to the way they used to be, although, even if I had lived they still wouldn't be the same. But I have a feeling that you understand. That you know how I felt. And I also know that everyone is probably asking a plethora of questions right now - I don't blame them either though, seeing as I was so "perfect" and all. So as my last goodbye and final wish, I hope for you to live on, even as they ask you the same questions they did me. 

Love,

Shitty-kawa

_How does someone so perfect feel so insecure?_

_As to scar his skin with cuts and burns and still want to hurt more."_

**Author's Note:**

> Did you cry? I sure hope you did cause I definitely did. This song really hits different with me, seeing how much I relate with it.
> 
> Also, I swear like every time I go to type "how" I ALWAYS end up typing "hoe" so just imagine how it was typing this entire fic with making that mistake constantly (it was quite entertaining, to say the least)
> 
> Well, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Please comment - constructive criticism is always welcome!
> 
> ~Angel <3


End file.
